Judge Me if You Can

I hate the system because I fail to understand how one is expected to do something in a very specific time even if they don't really want to do it. At the same time, it's expected to be done well. It's not out of anger, it's not out of frustration. I simply fail to understand, and I become alienated when I don't understand it.
Inside these walls I have to behave. There's professor, and there's student, and there's no mixing between them. One teaches, one learns. How dumb is that? And how come it's strange to talk to them outside of class about life, and not about work? What kind of relationship are human beings expected to have from one another? Also, how can learning turn into business...?
I figure out the reason why I have crushes on my professors is beyond the Oedipus complex. Inspired by Lacan, I realized the relationship between love and knowledge...it's because I am certain that they know more than I!! hehehehe. What a strange hypothesis. I should work on it.

For a long time, I used to live on people's stories, I never had my own...or maybe I never realized I had my own stories. Until I was 17, maybe, I never had stories, I only listened to them.
I used to read so much novels, I was so eager to be in someone else's shoes. Now, I regret it, actually.
I envy my being 17, before my life started to get busy. Nothing happened when I was 17.
Then, I got so used to the drama that now, when my life is peaceful, I feel awkward.

Dont Try

Don't try too hard to be pretty, it kills your natural beauty.
Don't try too hard to be interesting, it makes you pretend.
Don't try too hard to make sense, because however hard to you try, you know common sense is not at all common.

Central Park Blues

Nina Simone is one of my best friends.
I listen to her when I feel general emptiness/ sadness or waiting when it comes to my love life. Nina Simone is for the real thing, she's not for the stupid two-month crushes, or the stupider dates, or any of the daily crap.
She's for a ghost in daydreams, like that one I had when we were sitting in the old bar listening to classics. There was this Tom Jones song, or one that sounded like a Louis Armstrong song...and there I was dreaming. I was in that space in the middle using it a dance-floor and M. Charming ,who is actually a very real person, dancing slowly. He's real not because he exists, he's real because he makes sense in every single way there is.
Sometimes he's here, sometimes he's not. Sometimes I miss him, sometimes I'm happy that he's giving me time alone.
And I realize that he's not like any man I ever knew before, they're all less real. They all have drama attached to their lives, attached to their very person. They cheat and cry, they run away, and they come back. They make much less sense than him. He's just stable, he has harmony... and it makes me feel a general peace.
Sometimes this general peace is sad because in moments of elevation I realize he's not going to be here any soon. He's different because I love him, long before I need him. He loves me long before he needs me.
For all we know, this might all be a dream. Nina Simone, I love you :]

Me

Yesterday, I spilled all my insecurities on Vlad's head. All of it. All of the reasons why I feel I'm not good enough.
And i was done. And we went to have salad in the Greek-club.
Moments after I felt the epiphany. I'm different. I have a different POV.
People change, rarely, but they do.