Plan

One things my parents never taught me is to change my mind, to have a change of hearts!

Plans, and sticking to plans.

I'm mostly grateful for that kind of safety, though.

On Wisdom

Wisdom. Tricky.

Some people are so interested in ideas, new ideas, new thoughts, new music. They want to see the world and learn everything.
I used to be like that. My best-friend called me Freshy then, because I was *fresh*.

I'm not that fresh anymore because it's only wise not to want too much, it's only wise to let life give you what it wants to give you *when* it wants to give you. No rushing is wise.

Wise people seldom know that they're wise people. Some people who have some wisdom act wise but are, in fact, acting wiser than they actually are.

And like that, I see lots of people advising others, and trying to show them the right path. I definitely cannot deny that I myself do a bit of that. I can't stand watching when someone's about to drink soup I know is too hot for a tongue to endure. Sometimes I don't take into consideration the fact that different people react differently to their surroundings. One thing, though, I rarely advise, or warn anyone out of confidence in *me*, or lesser confidence in them.

And I discover:
Just let it take you, OK? Just let it take you and only live day by day.

I buy aprox. 10 poetry books a month. I buy poetry books written by not-so-knows artists.

Sometimes I wish they could pass by and see me read their poetry and know how much I love it.

Twenty, Forty, Sixty

In Notes from the Underground, the old man talks about how whole life was before him when he was twenty.

And I wonder why mine isn't like that. Why I don't feel like that. I almost have his feelings of forty--that I'm half-way through but what's passed is definitely more than what's to come.

"And I know now I'm not dying"
But I have to ask myself as a reminder, once every week, at least, Am I living?
And I know that these are general nightmares of the time and space we live in now, general fears of the human existing in the digital world. It does not at all soothe me that my fears are shared by others. It rather upsets me.

Twenty, Forty, Sixty.
One day, I couldn't wait to be twenty. Now I don't want to be twenty. I want to be ageless. Forget that I have a birth-certificate, forget calendars and just live...count the white hairs and the wrinkles and the falling teeth only. This is the only way that works in counting the days anyway, isn't it?

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