Do not bother read this, it's me trying to get it out, that's all

Do not bother read this, it's me trying to get it out, that's all

The more true I try to get with her, the less she trusts me, the more she judges me and the more she discovers that I am not the daughter she dreamed of. The perfect daughter. She wants me to be the perfect woman, someone who puts morality above everything. As much as so many people think I'm a moral person, my mother thinks I am pragmatic and immoral.

She says, why would you go to a place that has shisha in it? Mother, she's an arab friend, they always have shisha's in their home. I dont like these kind of places and people, she replies.

What kind of places? What kind of people? Did she even ask what the hell we were doing? Did she even bother asking about what kind of things I do? What kind of person I am, or what kind of person I like myself to be.

She says she doesnt talk to me to judge me, but to ask me...Well, that's a wonder because the first line in the phone call was "Sara, I dont like your lifestyle", so much for asking!

In the middle of all this self-explanation I am supposed to do, I am also supposed to survive my mother thinking that I am an immoral hoe who doesn't care about anything, and survive my father who thinks that he needs to "tame" me, and reconstruct my personality.

My boyfriend who will not let go of a relationship I am not ready to have.

My best friend who doesnt understand that he hurts me in every other sentence he utters.

My other best friend who never called, and at the same time hates being called a traitor.

A dear friend who needs me, and does not understand that I need her too, and that we can help eachother.

University work that drains anyone, and rewards no one.

And, at the same time, I am also supposed to reconstruct my life, make peace with things that had hurt me, and try to be happy again...and find comfort in the solitude and absence of all the things I should but am not able to survive.