In the middle of this insomnia I'm experiencing, I would have to admit that I had the most beautiful death-wish today. I was sitting a couple of inches away from the edge, from which I'd throw myself in the wish. And my last thoughts wouldn't be "What a fool I am!", they would be "The wind feels so nice when it presses against the skin of my face as I fall!". It was beautiful.
It scares me to lose my hopeful look on life, and settle for gloominess. I can't help it.
I'm constantly being reminded, and I laugh less.
I understand the reasons why I'm depressed, but they collide and they make this one chunk/blob of things that are dancing, in the most grotesque manner, in front of the sun to prevent its rays from falling on my face.
And I wish I could go back to being self-sufficient like I was when I was 2.