Death Instinct - and other realizations.

So, there's a death instinct just like there's a life instinct, says Freud.

My death instinct is so weak. Yes, I do smoke, but it doesn't make me feel the death, not like when someone tries to kill herself. (yes, I'm trying the whole, SHE thing).

And,
Maybe I should go to a psychologist.
If we start counting since I was like 16 or 17, I must have seen myself dying thousands of times. Dying in a car accident, jumping off something. It doesn't matter whether or not it was an accident in my imagination, because if I imagine it, it means that it's a choice, right? Wrong. It happens in the strangest times. It doesn't matter if I'm happy or sad, I still see myself dying all the time.
While trying to reach a conclusion about why she acts that way, I discovered, through that conversation that the reason why I'm so pushy is because I feel like I haven't got much time.

I feel so old sometimes, it's not funny. I dream of myself losing my teeth at least twice or thrice a week. It's not funny to feel like it's the end when they say it's the beginning.

And, sometimes I let people go, but sometimes I push them. And I know that I shouldn't be pushing now, it's almost not a choice, though.
Even Vladdie, who asked me to push, didn't enjoy my pushing did he?

And, no one needs to grow out of me. Not like their mothers, at least...because I only push around when I'm asked to.
It's harder to stop when I'm not asked to, though.

So, yah...I love Alexandria. I never really liked it except in the winter, now I just love it whenever, and however.
I just do.

And I love its people. And it feels so good that there're still people to know, that I don't know everyone already.