Misunderstood.

Lately I have been feeling...
Neglected
Misunderstood
Lost
Undecided
Unattended
Exhausted and overused

It led me to feel...
Something small inside me is dying with which
My desire to live became weaker.

I have made a few interesting observations...

My stomach turns when I scream, and usually also a cold comes with it the next day and a soar throat- smoking can make it worse. I smoked 3 cigarettes yesterday.

No one is a smoker because no one is born a smoker. I was never a smoker, I just chose to smoke one cigarette after the other, and sometimes I forgot I had a choice is smoking it!

Living itself is much harder than wanting to die but dying itself is harder than wanting to live.

Living
Dying
Wanting to live
Wanting to die.

If I don't stop depending on people I will want to die more often, just as often as they will push me to want to live.

If you can't cry, no one will believe that you are in pain.
If you can't beg, no one will believe that you really need it.
If you can't be cute, no one will believe that you can be too shy to ask.

If you're comfortable, you will be mistaken for confident.

If we can sum all of those up into an equation, we will realize that one that fits the profile of those inabilities is most dysfunctional. I never thought it was that clear. Or maybe it wasn't clear and that's why it took time for me to understand!!

I wish there could be this state where someone could hibernate...not be alive and not be dead -- as if asleep for as long as they time their heads!


Here's to Nina Simone and the Melancholy:-

Misunderstood (Nina Simone's version)

Baby you understand me now
If sometimes you see I'm mad
Doncha know that no one alive can always be an angel?
When everything goes wrong you see some bad

Well I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

Ya know sometimes baby I'm so carefree
With a joy thats hard to hide
Then sometimes it seems again that all I have is worry
And then you burn to see my other side

But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

If I seem edgy
I want you to know
I never meant to take it out on you
Life has its problems
And I get more than my share
But thats me one thing I never mean to do

Cos I love you
Oh baby
I'm just human
Don't you know I have faults like anyone?

Sometimes I find myself alone regretting
Some little fooling thing
Some simple thing that I've done

I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

I try so hard
So don't let me be misunderstood