Everything is changing and I am not the same

Everything is changing and I am not the same.

you'd be proud if you could say that you change when you want to and how you want to.
you'd be even more proud if you could say that you always change for the better.

everything is changing not because I cut all my hair off, or because I keep saying the same boy with dreamy eyes in places

everything is changing not because the one I love might never come back

everything is changing not because I have to go to a place I hardly know EVERY DAY

everything is changing not because the weather is strange or because I have allergy.

everything is changing because you don't choose friends, they choose you.
and you are less able
and less strong
and every decision you make is less meaningful as a decision because most of it was depending on space and time. the here and now.

and all those people you thought were most human turned out to be only actors.

everything was changing before all of these things happened, these things are but witnesses of that change, and enforcements.


and then there's the occasional sticker on the planner, and my cat sleeping in the bathroom because the floor is cool there. things that will make you smile when you don't want to. and I love those things.

And what's left is a red journal, a beret that I absolutely love, shades, books, occasional moments with those whom you feel are there once you think about them.