An Author in Search of Characters

I am lost in my play, very very lost, actually. It's definitely a comedy, but I don't want it to be a farce. Farces are humiliating of characters, and I love my character. I mean, I hate my characters...they're such annoying people, but I love them because they're people.I don't want my clowns to be characters for you to laugh, I want them to show you how they can love, and hate, and feel jealous, and enadequate. I want them to tell you how they failed, and they gave up, and they have hope in others.

I wonder if I'll actually be able to tell you the whole story, ever.
Maybe I'm a project of a playwright.

I've become politically involved. I'm thinking of having a different blog for politics. I'm not sure.
We'll see how I feel about it.

On Dreams.

It's amazing how much we control out dreams.
I dreamt of you today, and you were sitting in that old bar. You were sitting on a table. Two tables away from you sat one of my best friends ever. You have something in common, you and her. You both attract any, if not every, person from the opposite sex, and sexually confused people from the same sex. You sat there, and you pretended not to notice me going in, so I looked at you, nodded and smiled. And then I saw her, and she said hi and she came running to sit with me on the other side of place. She said sit, I'll get you Vodka. I told her I didn't have much money, she said it's on her. And I looked at you and at that very moment, you were extremely relaxed, and you looked at me.

My Buddhist Being

I'm not really Buddhist.
Whoever reads this blog will think I'm a psycho bitch.
In fact, I'm really not. I have so much peace of mind. Usually, i have so much of it. I feel the sun on my face in the morning, and I thank heavens I'm alive...every single day.
I make peace with things. I make peace with hurt, with sadness.
I even make peace with my own tears. And I pray for people with my mind from time to time.
I'm often euphoric, or melancholic, but in them, I'm still in peace.

I love my life!

The Evil'ness.

This is so bad. I'm laughing inside as a kind of revenge'ish feeling. It's really strange. I shouldn't be that evil. Maybe I am! Heehehehehehhe. I seriously can't stop laughing. Sometimes you feel better when you realize that the drama of your life actually repeats with others, it's sad, but it's funny!

Yah well.
So, ME being the unpolitical, absolutely apathetic person that I am, decided to go on a demonstration.

Dad's reaction is like this (*with a frown*)

ليه يا بنتي كدة؟ اللي عايزين يعملوه هيعملوه و انتي وراكي جامعة و مذاكرة. و بعدين دول ممكن يكونوا عنيفين جدا.

I didn't know what to say. I decided to smile, and nod. I think it was a good reaction on my part.

And then there's the sweet one sided love mania going on. This is the first time I admit it. It feels good to finally admit it.

Sometimes I think, maybe this kind of love is my favorite...it lasts longer than any other kind. See, I fell in love with a guy when I was 13 and I never forgot him until I was 15...even though i DIDN'T SEE HIM DURING THESE TWO YEARS! I used to look at his picture and smile inside.

Well this time, I see him, and I see him often, too. I don't know him, not really. Something about him just speaks to me. I smile inside and tear at the same time when I remember him.

Impossibilities are amazing. Why? Because they draw a limit for you, it's a line, and it's thick. This line is where your powers end.

Untitled.

If He Who Shall Not Be Named (aka HWSNBN), ever finds this blog, I would be very ashamed of myself for having let words of weakness slip through my tongue and into these posts! Hopefully, he will never find it.