But Now

I'm found.

Warmth is you.

Pathetic

It all started 3 weeks ago maybe, when I started noticing other people judging me!
It makes me laugh so hard when people give me the "you're pathetic look".
Different people give it to me for different reasons. Some people look at my bag or my shoes and think *you're not wearing gucci, you're so pathetic*
Other people are like *you didn't do your work on time, you're so pathetic*
A different kind buzz *your best friend ignores you, you're so pathetic* - people give me those looks on a daily basis. It makes me laugh so hard because the things that other people think are pathetic are the best things that ever happened to me, or me at my best!
The other day I was telling my friend how funny it is to me!

Conversation w/ my dad
-"Do you want anything from here"
*"No, thank you, see you soon"
-"bye"
*"bye"

I forgot something, i call him back
-"I forgot something, I DO want something"
*"what?"
-"those weird paper thingies you put over light bulbs and they can be a certain color"
*"oh yah"
-"I want 2 of those for my new apt"
*"I'll get them, promise"
-"thanks baba, bye"

After that conversation, I slept and I had a dream that I was on a train and I didn't have luggage and I was going somewhere. I didn't have luggage and I didn't lose luggage, I didn't NEED luggage.
It was so funny how I didn't need anything.

Last week I got so drunk w/ my friends. We were drinking "to commitment", and it was so much fun. It made me laugh inside how pathetic we must have looked. Me, and my friends celebrating my engagement WITHOUT my fiance!

I need to go to the gym, cut down on smoking, do a lot of work but I'M STILL RELAXED ABOUT IT! lol.

I'm pathetic and it's funny because I'm so pathetically happy!
(it's almost nauseating)

Plain Band

On Friday, there's going to be a little plain band around my finger that says "taken".
More than anything it's a reminder of a very calm, warm kind of connection that I have with somebody.
Somebody I love.
It's overwhelming.

Flexible.

I'm not feeling well right now.
I know it'll go away but I miss your company-
Only you can pull off poetry, at night, in nuweiba'
and i miss that.

I wish planning wasn't an important thing.
That we'd all be more like beduins.
and then we could hitch-hike and walk along the beach till we reach a city we don't know the name of and then suddenly,
I will stop and realize how much you've been there
how present.

And we could wear the same thing every day
and smoke
we could even keep little note-books that are red and black.
each of us one, a pen and a pencil with an eraser that either got torn from violent usage or just caved in too much that you miss it.

That.