Dust..

It is so dusty outside..no I mean there's actually dust in the air...dusty wind. It's gray and gloomy. I like it though. I think gloomy weather is inspiring, I was just telling a friend that. I take the most photographs in winter and fall because winter and fall and gloomy. Something about them is nostalgic unlike the happy/beach-like summertime.
I dont think I am a gloomy person in general, on the contrary, I am a cheerful person. Most of the times I smile from the heart. Most of time I really do feel happy not only act happy. There's so much naivity in happiness but it does not make it any less appealing to me. It is strange, though, when I was a depressed sould teenager I thought happiness means unawareness. That if people could realize how much sadness and violence there is in this world we live in, they could never be happy. I see so many sad things, I meet so many depressed and tortured people. It does make me sad...but it's sad because they are sad. I am not satisfied with the world BUT as far as me and myself, I am satisfied with myself. This is what makes me happy. I am not talking satisfied in the sense that things cant get any better...but just that it gets better and worse and better and worse and we have to survive it. I fail a class, it happened. I am sad. But I have to start thinking about what I am going to do to prevent that to happen again not just sit in the corner of my room thinking how much of a failure I am and how I will all classes every single semester and all of this. I cant believe how I changed...I can see the moon now...Before, the moon was all dark!