The Lebanon Mania

When the war first started in Lebanon I was so scared. I used to call a friend of mine in Beirut daily, I was scared to death. I thought was has never been so close to me. I was happy when I saw people walking around with Lebanon flags, I put the flag on my own blog. I was supportive, and I liked the fact that everyone was being supportive to the cause.
This was until I witnessed the Day for Lebanon held in my university. They were selling stuff all of which the money will go to Lebanon. They are sending one million EGP to Lebanon. My first reaction was: wow, that's good, then I started thinking about it.
Lebanon is in a much better economic state than Egypt, it's a much smaller country, too. The war has been going on for some 60 days only. Why all the propaganda?
War has been much much closer to me, it has been going on in Palestine for ages now!
Is it that it has been going on for long that we forgot Palestine, the never ending conflict?
I dont really know, but I was mad at myself. I support Lebanon, I wish there was something I can do. I am scared for Lebanon and lebanese people, especially my friends there and my friends' family but, this is mere propaganda. Having pop stars sing for a country not their own this is just media BS.
I will keep the flag on my blog because I love Lebanon, but I wish we wouldnt take it too far that it would become unfair for Palestine, for instance, or Iraq...places that need much more attention.

Blabbering Around

So today,
"Gogo, are you OK? You didnt seem OK today."
"Oh no, I'm OK. Why doesnt everyone say I am not OK?" silence and then she continues "Am I OK?"
"You tell me", I say.
"Oh, I think I'm OK"

lol.

That's one strange conversation, I guess.

See, I dont know if I'm OK, either. I do not. I will not pretend to be that I'm OK when I'm not. I have stuff stepping on my toes. The problem is, I dont even know what is bothering me. It's as if all of a sudden I abandoned myself and stopped thinking about my problems and try to reconcile. I abandoned myself.
I abandoned myself.
I abandoned myself.

I do not like myself being different. I liked myself better when I was happier, and less chained. I think that my life has to go on a cycle of happiness, and numbness and then sadness and so on. It goes on like this forever, and it pains me to realize that I never learned to stope that cycle.
I dont know how to stop myself from being down.
I dont know how to.
I dont know if I can.

Part of the reason why I am not happy is that not only I abandoned me, people also abandoned me. People gave up on me. I have this stupid silly feeling of having people not caring whether the hell I am alive or dead. I mean, not to that extent but, not caring enough about my emotional well-being. They never had to think about it, because I was almost always strong enough to survive these things, and really fast, too. People think I'm strong, and that's why they leave me to deal with my own problems...even though i never claimed to be strong.
I never claimed to be strong.

There's a point of writing this, it makes me feel better.

Puzzle

Were we not,
Pieces of the puzzle
Put together once again?
All the little details that did not matter,
And all the little details that did.
The sweat I hate by morning
Turning into the effort of tasting life.
The perception through which love is an image
Reviving in every taste, smell and touch.
Was it not morning and day in the same hour,
Summer and winter in the same season?
Sun that rises to spread heat
Between your ribs,
And winter rain as evidence
For passion that landed not so quick?
The difficulty of leaving your soul behind.
It is the hug and the separation,
It is desire and rejection.
It was growing up like children playing
Into adults that long for intimate moments.
Finally, that look in your eyes,
Time stops, it waits for you.
The beat of your heart, the drum.
We lived and once again we die.
We separate like puzzle pieces,
Puzzled.


(This is the "raw" poem. It has not been edited by my official editor quite yet :D )

The Joy of Being Underground

Today, i discovered why popularity is a curse when I went to ForsoothSayer's blog and saw her Ramadan-hating post. OMG! 60 something comments, people almost beating the hell out of each other, angry voices! I just looked down and wished that these people never ever bump into my little humble ramadan-hating post. I realized how safe it is not to be on stage...I keep forgetting it, but now I remember it again: The higher you are, the easier it is for you to be shot. So here I am ranting all over again about my experiences and my this and my that for a very few people who actually read my post till the end. And it's how I like it- especially with my new extra cheesy national colors blog and stuff of the side lol.
The truth is, I never liked the spotlight. I could still admit I'm a coward.

A Riddle in Poetry

You wanted a hint, I’ll give you a hint.
They are the lines that rhyme
When you wake up early morning.
They are the rhythm of knowledge
That you will never reach,
What keep you warm,
What leave you to sink in
Brown leaves.
They never come too close,
Never gone too far.
They keep you company
Since you were born,
And until you die.
What are they?